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The Brief: Unexpected life-changing events will happen. However, the second you recognize that you are feeling bad, you have access to transmute the situation.
Ever feel like you just got a sucker punch right in the gut? What? Just? Happened? Where did that come from? How the F@*!K did I get here?
Unexpected life-changing events will happen. It can be your partner asking for a divorce from seemingly out of the blue, your biggest client canceling their years-long contract with you, a storm that destroys your dream home, a global pandemic that brings your business to a halt, or an unexpected medical diagnosis. Regardless of the circumstances, there are three common elements to life's sucker gut punches: surprise, confusion, and fear.
As you try to get your bearings in the immediate aftermath, you may experience anger boiling up, sadness brewing, and an array of feelings and emotions that exponentially compound your level of stress and devastation. Your mind starts racing with negative self-talk, feelings of shame, and even despair, creating the perfect recipe to get entangled in a downward spiral.
However, the second you recognize that you are feeling bad, you have access to transmute the situation and create a catalyst for transformation that thrusts you onto your life's true path, clarifies what's most important to you, and gives you everything you didn't know you wanted. Here are five steps to reclaim your power after life throws you a a sucker punch in the gut.
1) Get present to and identify your feelings.
By taking a few moments to look at and consider your feelings, you are owning them while also creating distance. This distance grants you room to breathe, think more clearly, and release some of the tension being held together in your body by your negative feelings.
Use the Feelings Wheel below and look for the word or words that express what you are experiencing. State them out loud or write them in a journal. For example, you can write, "I feel frustrated. I also feel sad.
Remind yourself that it is OK to feel what you are feeling. Your feelings, emotions, and reactions are part of your experience and normal. Frankly, sometimes we just need a moment to feel like shit. Give yourself that moment with grace. It belongs to you. You have a right to feel what you feel. Don't feel bad about feeling bad.
Ongoingly, make identifying your feelings a practice. To remember to do this, print out the Feelings Wheel and post it on your fridge. Every time you see the wheel, take a moment to identify your feelings. If you have kids or a partner, this makes for a great talking point and opportunity to share the practice.
Action Item: Print the Feelings Wheel and identify your feelings.
2) Consider that this experience is happening "for" you instead of "to" you.
Our experiences, and how we view them, shape our lives. Answer the questions below by freewriting your responses:
What if this experience was occurring "for" you, instead of "to" you?
What is the lesson, opportunity for growth, and/or message you could gain from this experience?
Who would you have to be and what would you have to do to grow from this experience?
What is this experience telling me about me, my path, and my life?
If this experience was related to my purpose, what would that purpose be?
What are you most grateful for?
As you consider the above questions, stay in the inquiry of it all. Don't judge the questions, yourself, or your answers. Just inquire and allow the answers to come through.
The goal isn't to take away from the challenge you are experiencing, it is to understand its bigger purpose in your life.
Action Item: Freewrite the responses to the questions in this step.
3) Identify your biggest challenge in the moment and tackle it.
Clearly identify your biggest challenge in the moment and focus on tackling it. Break down what you need to do to get to the other side of the situation and create a list. This list is important because in the confusion or stress of your circumstances, it is easy to not know what to do next. If you have a partner, divide and conquer.
Action Item: Create a list of what you need to do to overcome your circumstances. As you embark on tackling the challenge, be sure to ask for/get emotional support.
Support can come from friends, family, your partner, a spiritual counselor, and/or professionals such as a therapist, primary care physician, life coach, wellness coach, etc.
4) Create a vision of yourself and your situation on the other side of the current challenge and enhance it daily.
When there is an immediate and overwhelming challenge in front of us, it can feel impossible to imagine yourself on the other side. You may not even dare to imagine something better because you have lost hope or somehow feel betrayed by your dreams or life itself.
This is exactly why you need to create a new vision for yourself. If nothing comes to mind and you are drawing a blank, remember that this is normal. Start by writing the two questions below in journal and leave the page bookmarked with a pen.
What kind of person do I want to be?
What do I want in my life?
Who do I want in my life?
Leave your journal on your nightstand and go back to it every morning or evening to jot down whatever comes to mind. As you go forward, you will find your vision getting clearer. Add details to your vision daily and acknowledge and celebrate your progress.
Action Item: Answer these two questions.
5) Exercise and/or Move More
In times of stress, one of the first things people tend to do is stop exercising. That is the exact opposite of what will help you get through life's most difficult moments.
Countless studies have shown that engaging in some form of regular physical activity helps reduce stress and improve mental clarity. Use physical activity as a strategy to relieve physical stress and give your mind some time to rest.
Stay in the present moment during your physical activity and choose something that you enjoy and invigorates you.
For example, you can:
Ride your bike!
Go for a run!
Engage in unstructured play.
Play some form of sport, such as volleyball, dodgeball, kickball, football, soccer, etc.
Take swimming, yoga, Pilates, kickboxing, dance, or other class involving positive physical activity.
If you can do the activity outside, it is even better. Remember to stay hydrated with lots of water and make healthy food choices that support your well-being.
Of course, if you are experiencing a medical challenge, consult your physician on your options for participating in physical activity.
Periods when you are experiencing challenges and stress are when your body needs you the most. Be there for your body. Take care of it so that it is better able to take care of you, and you are then better able to do what you need to do to come out better than ever on the other side of your circumstances.
Action Item: Choose a regular physical activity that you enjoy and commit to a schedule. Stick to your plan.
Life's most difficult challenges can feel like an unexpected sucker punch in the gut. Surprise, fear, and confusion take over but they don't have to define your experience. Use your most daunting challenges as opportunities to create a catalyst for growth, clarity, and purpose. Along the way you may even find yourself surrounded by everything you didn't know you wanted or even needed.
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Vickie Reine | Entrepreneur & Wellness Coach
I work with women entrepreneurs to create happier, healthier, & wealthier lives, starting today.